Are You Leading Him On?

“What is one thing that leads you on or causes you frustration, that girls in this culture do often?”


Unbeknownst to them, quite a few girls obliviously lead guys on.  If you are aware of a pattern of guys randomly interested in you or asking you out, you’re probably sending signals to them which are interpreted as “I like you” and they are just acting on that signal.  This may not always be the case, but you could probably do a few things to keep guys, especially ones you aren’t interested in, at bay.

A friend of mine, when she hears about a guy that likes her and she doesn’t like him back, will go into “Defcom 5” mode and wouldn’t talk, text, or even make eye contact with him until he gets the message.  I think this might be a little extreme and may not the be the best way to communicate a lack of interest, but guys actually appreciate the feedback and move on without really being hurt.

Likewise, I think you are doing a guy a huge favor by clearly communicating exactly how you feel.  By doing so, you are guarding his heart and keeping him from putting more of himself into the relationship, even if it is nonexistent, than is necessary.

To help illustrate this point a little better, lets swap the scenario.  Say you go on three dates with a guy and you really begin to like him because he tells you how beautiful you are and how great you guys would be together and mentions plans for the future.  By now, you’ve probably named the kids, planned the wedding and are ready for a committed lifelong relationship (I’m being a little sarcastic here, but hey).  Then, he mysteriously quits calling you and never asks you on a date again.  After crying for a while (he really was a good guy) you muster up the courage to call him two weeks later and ask him what happened and he says “I really just don’t like you that much and I never really did.”


How do you feel?


Lied to?

Wouldn’t you rather him just be upfront and say “hey, I don’t know much about you, but I would like to get to know you a little better to see if there is anything there,” all the while generally avoiding false expectations and future talk.

In the same way him being honest with his feeling would be protecting you, valuing you, and guarding your heart from the unnecessary pain of unmet expectations, you can protect, respect and guard guy’s hearts by being honest with them.

When a guy puts his heart out on the chopping block and asks you on a date, do the most loving thing you can;  first respect him for being courageous and asking (its not easy at all), then be honest with him.  If there is no hope, let him know that you’re not interested in him and you won’t be.  Don’t make up some fake excuse that will leave him hanging on a chance if there isn’t one.  If you’re interested but don’t know enough about him or want to see him in a group setting, say so.  This will put the ball in his court to figure out how you can get to know each other in a group before stepping into a more formal dating context.  Be honest about everything; If you aren’t in a place in life where you want to date anyone, or if you’re scared of dating, say that as well.  If you asks you out in a note form and you believe these things should be discussed face to face, tell him so.

After your honest answer, clarify the fact that you are being honest (because you ARE being honest) and then give him more props for being a man and having the courage to ask you out.

About chriskaspar

Music, Art, Jesus; These are things I love!
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2 Responses to Are You Leading Him On?

  1. Colleen says:

    So I am friends with miss Katie Bernier and she has this posted on her fb wall and it peeked my interest. Chris you make a very good point we ladies need to be careful the signals we send you men. But there is one flaw to it well, something the guy needs to know, when a girl says no, she means it 🙂 When a girls says she “sees no future with us”, she means it. When she says “I just want to be friends”, she means it. Not try harder, keep asking me out, or keep texting me and see if you can change my mind. I know WAY too many guys who don’t get the point that No is No 🙂 Unfortunately it has seemed that girls needed to be rude almost mean to get the point across. Just a thought. As brothers and sisters in Christ we both need to be careful to what our body language and words are saying to the counter part. 🙂

    • chriskaspar says:


      I totally agree with you. Guys do need to get the message, especially if it is clearly stated. Too many guys put guys between a rock and a hard place really forcing girls to be rude in order to communicate clearly. The more they push, the more girls need to push back. Thanks for the input.

      “No is no”

      You hear that fellas 🙂

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