Male Leadership

“Do you still believe in male initiated relationships?”


The whole female initiated relationship trend is a detrimental effect of the modern feminist movement (note that some excellent things have come from feminism).   Our culture says “Its a new standard, that doesn’t matter,” but it does.

Remember how I said “dating is a foundation for marriage?”

It is.

When you flip roles, it destroys God’s ultimate design for marriage and will destroy relationships immediately or even worse, after marriage.  For this reason, I get very turned off and frustrated with girls who have tried to pursue me.  To see the value in male initiated relationships, you first have to see the value of gender roles within marriage.  I’m hesitant to even bring these up because even saying the words “gender roles” puts you on the burner because culture and even the church have distorted God’s original design for these roles.

If you look at the creation account in Genesis, God created man and woman in His image.  He also created Eve as a suitable helper for Adam.  Saying the word “helper” today has a negative connotation of servanthood, and a doormat type figure.  I strongly disagree with this connotation, but still clearly believe in gender roles within marriage the way God intends and outlines in scripture.  When these roles are followed, women become elevated to a much higher value than history typically has ever given them.  Throughout history, Christianity has been on the forefront of women’s rights and treating them with utmost respect and dignity, only recently in a hyper-feminine culture which has promoted the view that women are higher in value than men has the church said “hold your horses missie.”  Again, this subject ventures into dark parts of history and has the capabilities to hit nerves that run deep into the hearts of passionate women and men so I want to be careful of stepping on toes without explaining why.  In the end, the whole women/men in power and rights is like a giant pendulum.  In the past, women have been objectified, looked down upon, suppressed, and treated as having less value than men.  Today, the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction and we find ourselves ridiculing men, labeling them all as incompetent, pushing for rights that give women more rights and a higher value than men etc.  Both of these environments are off the mark and skew God’s design for gender roles and differences.

God created men and women equal in value and different in roles.

Let me repeat that again:
God created men and women equal in value and different in roles.

This perspective is healthy and something we can cling to.  So when you date someone, how does this apply?  Look at the differences in roles outlined in the Bible (again, ask older wiser people for help on this one) and try your best to ignore our cultural influences and slants, then apply these in a tangible way to a dating relationships.

To get you started, I’ll give you one example from Ephesians 5:25

If a “Husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church,” what does this look like while dating?

Good question….lets read a little farther.

Christ “gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water…and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

In the same way, if you are in a relationship with someone, by doing so, you should become and feel more beautiful and increase your value by helping you pursue holiness.  Don’t get me wrong, this affect on your pursuit of holiness in a premarital context shouldn’t be very intense (he shouldn’t lead you in a weekly Bible study), but if the focus of your relationship is pulling you away, not toward holiness, then something is wrong.

About chriskaspar

Music, Art, Jesus; These are things I love!
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4 Responses to Male Leadership

  1. Anonymous says:


  2. Kait S says:


  3. Kait S says:

    That’s supposed to say YES! not Yee

  4. Kristen Free says:

    Thanks Chris for posting this! Its a truth that so many people desperately need to hear. Biblical gender roles are freedom to those who walk in them by the Spirit!

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