My dear sister in Christ, Julianne Baker, is leading a women’s Bible study with ARTISTS, I group near and dear to me at Texas A&M. She is planning a discussion about male/female relationships and dynamics with the women in her group and asked me to answer some questions in order to reveal a little about the male perspective on some sensitive and misunderstood issues. The next few posts will be dealing with some of the relevant questions she brought up.
Please read these thoughts and let me know what you honestly think. Some of these ideas I will stand behind till the day I die and others I will gladly push to the side if a better truth will step up to take its place. Don’t get upset about something you don’t discuss with me…these succinct statements allow me to present only so much. Note also that these questions are written for other women seeking God so the answers may not lend themselves to an overly secular discussion without laying down some very important foundations concerning our diverse perspectives of viewing the world.
So read and dissect these honest answers and I hope and pray that you perceive these as being filled with truth sandwiched between love and encouragement.
“Chris, what do YOU consider to be modest?”
Be very careful with tight shirts and short shorts. Concerning some clothes, you will have to personally wrestle with and pray about to find your own personal boundaries. Note that if you catch him looking down your shirt, its your fault he has that opportunity (yes, he has responsibility too, but don’t shun that on him). In general, be constantly aware of what other guys are allowed to see, including your body position. Don’t lean forward with a loose shirt, bend over at the waist (kneel instead), and be careful with skirts. Even stretching with both arms up can prominently display things that catch guy’s attention in an unhealthy way.
Over the last few years, my view on modesty have shifted fairly drastically. I used to think that an immodest girl was “hot,” but recently, I’ve seen past outer, superficial attraction and now I see immodesty as a byproduct of insecurity and a sad search for love in the wrong ways, neither of which is attractive. Not being modest is selfish at the core. You are not loving your brothers in Christ and feeding the biggest struggle in their life just so you can get a little more attention and/or feel a little better about yourself. If you don’t believe that lust is a big issue with guys today, let me open your eyes a little.
-25% of all search engine requests are pornographic in nature
-50% of all Christian men are addicted to pornography (20% of women)
These statistics are terrifying.
Guys are very very very visually inclined and can be thinking terrible things about you from across the room (or even when you’re not around) if you give their imaginations food. Why even walk close to the line?
I want you ladies to be scared of the lust monster that is roaming around uninhibited. These are the facts, this is truth, and a healthy dose of it keeps us on our toes. Remember “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Satan wants us to be unaware of his presence and by listening to the lie “it’s no big deal, I can wear this today” is exactly the sort of underbrush he likes to hide behind. Don’t exclude yourself from this, I honestly think 95% of unmarried women are extremely naive about how big this is and the other 5% are just mostly naive.
That being said, most Christian guys desperately want to think pure thoughts and try very hard to fight what gets thrown in their face day after day after day so also don’t be so paranoid that you think that all guys are dirtbags and deserve to die.
So please, love your brothers in the way you dress. Sad and true, you may not get the same amount of attention, but the attention you would be getting, even from the right kind of guys, is completely for the wrong reasons.